Cheryl Cole and Mel B give Simon Cowell a steamy lap dance during X Factor auditions

So just think for a second about the level of smugness that would come with the big guy getting a lap dance from Cheryl Cole and Mel B. Off the scale, right?

During yesterday’s arena auditions Cheryl, 31, and 39-year-old Mel just couldn’t resist jumping up off their seats as returning contestant Paul Akister sang Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On.

One audience member told The Sun: “Simon and Cheryl had been at each other’s throats all night, but when Paul started to sing Let’s Get It On, the mood just changed.

“Cheryl got up and started dancing for Simon and arching herself against him like a pussycat. It wasn’t long before Mel B wanted some action too. Louis Walsh just watched.”

Bit creepy, Louis…

The audience member added: “Simon was very happy. He looked like the cat that got the cream.

Just take a minute to imagine Simon dressed up as a cat, drinking cream from a saucer.

Still wouldn’t be as bad as when George Galloway did it, mind you. But nothing ever will be…