The year is 3014. Michael Gove’s terrifying educational reforms are still having a devastating impact on Britain 2.0’s school system. Shiny-faced children in metallic space books are learning history in rote. “October 23rd, 2001 – the Apple iPod first comes out,” they chant. “July 18th 2015 – Google Glass claims its first victim. February 14th 2018 – Jennifer Lopez’s bum is inducted to the Body Parts Hall of Fame and becomes the Prime Minister.”
Yes, we’ve all heard a lot about Jennifer Lopez’s bum of late. But did you know that every time you watch Booty, you are literally watching history being formed in front of your eyes?
That’s according to Puff Daddy/P. Diddy/Sean Combs/Diddy, anyway.
The rapper, who dated J-Lo between 1999 and 2001, told Access Hollywood Live that Ms Lopez’s famous rear will “go down in history” and basically compared it to all the contents of the Louvre.
“Oh my god. I’m so lucky to have that great woman in my history, she is one of the greatest I’ve ever seen,” he gushed.
“I mean, it’s great. It’s a work of art. It’s something that will go down in history, for real it will. But also her talent, her drive, her determination, she will never give up. She’s a great friend of mine, always will be my friend, and I mean that thing is just incredible, man.”
Righty-ho. So what happens when J.Lo’s butt is no longer around – surely we should have some kind of baby-got-back-up? A pro-tush-gée? An heir to the throne? (That’s a reference to a toilet, btw. Yeah. Didn’t really work, that.)
Step forward… Kim Kardashian! Oh no wait, Diddy does NOT rate her be-hind.
“No way! No way. No disrespect to Kanye and Kim but that thing right there, that thing right there is something special.”
Ladies and gentlemen, Puff Daddy.
GALLLERY: Celebrity bums - can you guess who the celeb bum belongs to?
Celebrity bums - guess who the celeb bum belongs to...
1 of 35From runway to, er, bumway...
Which celebrity flashed her be-hind on the Pam Hogg catwalk?□□Answer: Chanel muse Alice Dellal!
2 of 35This US star LOVES her butt...
3 of 35Yup, it's Coco Austin
Who keeps the world abreast of her and her hiney's daily goings on, by tweeting about it all. the. time. See.
4 of 35Believe it or not this Baywatch butt is doing a protest
5 of 35It's Pamela Anderson, who is rather bare, for PETA
6 of 35Something about being Down Under
7 of 35It's Kylie! Spinning around, doing the locomotion and basically having a brilliant bottom
8 of 35Think this bottom is more than all Wright?
Then you probably fancy Mark Wright. Mmm bottoms.
9 of 35This butt is like, never, ever, getting back together with...
10 of 35...Taylor Swift. Who also has a splendid bottom
11 of 35WHO DID A MARILYN AND THEN SOME AT CANNES!?
12 of 35Okay, it's Arta Dobroshi...
And no, we don't really either. But this picture made us chuckle. And yes, we are childish, sorry...
13 of 35YOU KNOW THIS! COME ON YOU DO!
It's Nicki Minaj - or Minass for the duration of this gallery. She gives excellent bottom.
14 of 35When it comes to butts, the Price is right
Got an inkling? Higher, higher, lower, lower etc.
15 of 35Relax, it's not Brucie. It's Katie Jordan Price, obvs
16 of 35Mamma Mia
17 of 35Yup, it's Amanda Seyfried. Girl crush swoon
18 of 35Practice your curtsey, it's...
The queen. Of pop. Madonna, as seen on tour in September 2012.
19 of 35She's the World Food Programme Ambassador
She's heatworld's World AmbASSador (ahem). It's...
20 of 35Christina Aguilera. Good bottom
21 of 35This is the 'I love my butt' dance
As kindly demonstrated by Jennifer Lopez.
22 of 35This is NOT Amanda Holden's celebrity butt...
Unless she's seriously supple that is. Nope, it's definitely not. It's actually a photo bombing maverick mooner showing off his (or her?) civilian bottom. WHAT FUN.
23 of 35Just be glad they haven't invented e-scratch n' sniff yet
This is Joe Swash, flashing his down under Down Under on I'm A Celebrity...Altogether now, I'm A Civilian... Get ME OUT OF HERE and to the next picture...
24 of 35EYES ON THE BOTTOM PLEASE
David Beckham strips down to his kecks quite a lot, in the name of great H&M undies. He has a great bottom. EYES ON THE BOTTOM PLEASE. Unfortunately you can only see a small part of it in this picture. We tried finding a better shot but this front shot was all we hard. Honest. EYES ON THE BOTTOM PLEASE. Oh, who are we kidding. Cop a perve and then let's move on to...[Picture by: Alasdair McLellan for H&M. Thanks you Alasdair. Thank you H&M]□
25 of 35The Female Butt
As seen on The Female Boss and X Factor judge - slash nice being -Tulisa Contostavlos.
26 of 35WHO'S BOTTOM IS THIS THEN?
It's Amy Chillds, the clue's on the backdrop behind her.
27 of 35It needs no introduction (it'll likely introduce itself) IT'S...
KIM KARDASHIAN'S BOTTOM! Who basically put the ass into KardASShian. Kim has definitely got one of the best butts in showbiz, agreed?
28 of 35Mmm nice lemons
29 of 35Oh Keef, he's such a larf!
Keith Lemon loves baring his butt. We love him for baring his butt. But most of all, we love that Kelly Brook's there, just hanging out with Keef's bottom.
30 of 35You may wish you, your girlfriends or your girlfriend had a butt like this Fashion Panda's
But unless AMAZING X Factor judge Nicole Scherzinger is willing to sell her hiney, you'll just have to be content with looking at the above instead.Sidenote: We were going to make a crack about the PCD song Buttons - called Bottoms - it went a bit like this: "I'm telling you to loosen up my bottoms babe, but you keep frontin' me" Then we decided it sounded like poo, thought better of it... and wrote it anyway. ANYWAY MOVING ON...
31 of 35TO THE MOST FAMOUS BOTTOM IN THE WORLD
Aka Pippa Middleton's Pippa Middlebum. A celebrity bottom in it's own right, it shot to the heady heights of stardom in 2011. You may have seen it in such classics as The Royal Wedding and, um, maybe at Wimblebum.
32 of 35You can stand under her bum-rella, ella, ella etc
Which sexy star lives in a bottom like this? Clue: She sings songs that sound a bit like... 'Bumbrella'; 'Only bum in the world'; Bumba 1 (featuring Kardinal Offishall); 'Bum this town'… Yeah, we’ll leave it there shall we.
33 of 35It's Rihanna. She is awesome, as is her bottom
34 of 35And to bring you down to earth...
Who's bottom is this? Simon Cowell? Louis Walsh? Brad Pitt? heatworld's? No, of course it's not. The proud owner of this behind is...
35 of 35