Stand Up To Cancer (tonight, from 7pm)
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Celebs doing Gogglebox. That’s just one of the thrilling prospects in store in a tremendously exciting evening of special comedy and entertainment on Channel 4 in aid of Cancer Research UK. Stand Up To Cancer goes large this time, with an epic telethon of extraordinary events hosted by Davina, Alan Carr and Dr Christian Jessen. The Celebrity Gogglebox thing features the brilliant trio of Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell and the wittiest famous person I’ve ever met, Noel Gallagher, plus the joyous prospect of comedy legend Kathy Burke and Paul O’Grady. The special Gogglebox will be on right at the start of the night just after 7pm and will continue at 9pm, and there are loads of other mouthwatering treats, including a sketch with Jamie Oliver and Taylor Swift, Andy Murray auditioning stars like Pharrell, Ed Sheeran and Britney to take part in the biopic of his life, Derren Brown doing a trick for Sherlock stars Martin Freeman and Amanda Abbington and Will Ferrell appearing as Ron Burgundy. It will all make for TV Gold I promise. And more importantly we should all give them some money: call 0300 123 4444 or visit Channel4.com/su2c
The X Factor (ITV, Saturday & Sunday, 8pm)
After last week’s exhausting but inevitably entertaining two-and-a-half hour opening live show, The X Factor is down a mere two hours and 20 minutes this week. Easy! So there are still 14 acts to look forward to and it’s one of the better themes this week, namely The 80s. Expect lots of synth solos and shoulder pads. Maybe. Louis will have his almanac out to double-check no songs from 1979 or 1990 make it in to the show. I only hope someone sings Instinction by Spandau Ballet, if only to remind us how they made up that word. Sunday’s results show features Maroon 5, who are, I believe, officially “hunky”.
Doctor Who: Flatline (BBC1, Saturday, 8.25pm)
There’s another absolutely splendid episode of Who this week, written, like last week’s Orient Express romp by Jamie Mathieson, and set in Bristol, where a bizarre power from another dimension is somehow flattening locals into the walls, turning them from 3D to 2D. If that sounds suitably mind-bending, it is. And there’s more: The Tardis is shrinking, but only on the outside, leading to some of the greatest Doctor-inside-Tardis moments of all time. And watch out for Big School’s excellent youngster Joivan Wade as a graffiti artist who becomes Clara’s new sidekick.
And don’t forget… Right after the 140 minutes of X Factor, along comes the new series of The Jonathan Ross Show (ITV, Saturday, 10.20pm) with judges Mel B and Cheryl F-V popping up, along with superb Hollywood actor Steve Carell and genuine living legend Sir David Attenborough. A worthy line-up for the first show.