We need help. We need to think of a way of convincing Liam Payne that we’re his parents because the One Direction star has only gone and bought his mum and dad a bloomin’ house.
Yesterday it emerged the singer splashed the cash on a massive £5.1million mansion in Surrey but he also spent nearly £400,000 on another property for father Geoff and mother Karen.
The house is close to his childhood home in the West Midlands, which his family still owns, and his two older sisters have also moved in.
A friend told The Sun: “Liam thinks the world of his parents and it pains him to leave his family behind when he is on tour.
“He is also a shrewd operator. At 21 he has shown excellent awareness of the importance of investments. 1D won’t last forever but Liam has already secured several million in bricks and mortar.”
Right, how do we convince Liam that we’re his parents so he buys us a house? Somehow we think the fact the age difference means we would have had him when we were a child gives the game away...
GALLERY: All the things One Direction have had thrown at them. Ouchie...
All the things One Direction have had thrown at them. Ouchie...
1 of 6A shoe
Harry Styles got hit right in the beanbag at a gig in Glasgow last year - and there's even a video clip of it happening. A fan threw her shoe at the stage and Hazza picked it up to admire it. Unhappily, though, its twin came whistling through the air and struck him in the gonads. You can see Harry drop to the floor in absolute shock while his bandmates try to keep the show going. HILARIOUS.
2 of 6A glo-stick
It's a wonder the 1D lads don't have permanently neon-splashed ankles with their audience members' predilection for throwing glo-sticks up on stage.
3 of 6Harry's fist
Yeah. Harry decided to give Liam Payne a friendly pat on the old scrote during a demonstration of his handstand skills. Mean Harry. Too mean.
4 of 6Liam's microphone
Don't worry - Liam got his own back at a different gig by thumping Hazza between the legs with his mic. Revenge: a dish best served both cold and very, very publicly.
5 of 6Underpants
Maaaan - boybands get all the best freebies. We imagine 1D will NEVER experience the panic of laundry day where every single item of underwear is either buried deep in the washing basket or slowly rotating round and round in the machine, tantalisingly close yet with a 90-minute cycle still to go before you can be reunited with them. Just look at how many pairs of pants the boys get chucked at them on stage. So jel.
6 of 6Tampons
You know how it is. You're at the best gig of your life, seeing the one band you've sworn everlasting love to just rocking out on stage. You need to remember this night for the rest of your time on this green Earth, so you root through your bag for something, anything, that might touch Harry's face. You pull out a banana. Nah - too mushy. Your phone? But then how will you let all your Twitter followers know what you're up to… Aha! Tampons! Of course - so sweetly wrapped, so small, yet big enough to make an impact.