When we hear Simon Cowell is planning to take Lauren Silverman to watch Fifty Shades of Grey we can't help but cringe a little bit. It's like hearing your dad is going to show your mum porn and then boink her. Eww. Sorry.
To make it worse after watching the flick Simon is planning to stock-up on raunchy items for their bedroom from B&Q. Double eww.
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The 55-year-old made a joke he would be visiting B&Q - possibly to stock-up on cable ties and rope in a very Fifty Shades inspired manner. Oh dear lord, our ears and imaginations are stinging.
Apparently the hardware shop has been warned to expect an increase in demand for such items after people have watched the soft porn film, which features an ample variety of S&M-inspired scenes.
The X Factor boss told MailOnline: "I'm going to have to aren't I? And then a trip down to B&Q afterwards."
Their son Eric also turns one on V-day, and due to Lauren's commitments stateside, they'll be celebrating the love-and-buy-all-the-crap-you-can-that's-heart-shaped event a day before.
Speaking on Valentine's Day Simon said he's going to treat Lauren to dinner on Friday: "I'll take her to dinner, I'll be charming ... whatever comes next." Kinky Simon.
To help relieve your brain from the kinky Simon visual, here's one of his dogs, Diddly, driving a toy car...cute!
