Hands up who’s lied about their age? Oi, you at the back, Russell Kane – raise your hand, too.
It’s OK, Russ. Most of us have told a porkie in order to buy a shandy (not that we’re condoning this. Shandy is rubbish anyway).
Someone who really wants to piss Russell off has dobbed him into the Age Police, otherwise known as The Sun, because he’s ACTUALLY FIVE YEARS OLDER THAN WE THOUGHT. How dare he lie, etc.
“The truth is he was born in 1975,” says the tattletale. SMUGLY.
“He is very sensitive about his age because his work is mainly on youth channels and sadly, age does matter.”
YOUTH CHANNELS? This person is sounding more like a politician by the second.
“He’s worn a lot of eyeliner in the past in an attempt to cover it up,” finishes the potential Cabinet candidate/make-up artist.
Eyeliner to cover what? His massive great 39-year-old eye bags, we suppose, though we’re not quite sure if daubing your eye bags with black makes you look any younger. Hmmm.
The Sun also condemns Russell’s WIKIPEDIA PAGE (that fountain of all truth) because: “His Wikipedia entry states the comedian was born in 1980 but the mark “citation needed” suggests the date is not confirmed.”
Yeah, like half the Wikipedia pages out there. We’re hoping this doesn’t mean The Sun gets most of its research from Wikipedia, btw.
Russell, we really hope that you ARE almost 40. Because quite frankly it DOESN’T MATTER, and also, it means there’s a magic eyeliner trick that takes five years off that we can try, er, right now.