Nil points!

Posted by Pauliec on Tuesday 04 Mar 2008

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So on Saturday night, I decided to stay in and watch the song for Europe competition, now named Eurovision – Your Decision because it rhymes. Derision surely rhymes better.
 
What are we thinking voting an average singer (sorry Andy) and an average song into the Eurovision Song Contest? They're going to destroy us! Every other voting nation hates us and won't vote for us. Even if we had the greatest song ever written sung by our greatest ever singer we'd still come nowhere because everyone hates us.
 
I'm sure that it's now easy to predict within a few points the result of Eurovision without even hearing the songs. Scandinavian countries vote for each other, Monaco and France always give each other 'dooz pwa' and, not that I'm a conspiracy theorist, but there are so many Baltic states (I don't even think I know what that means!) I'm sure that they've already decided what little country about the size of Essex will win.
 
Ireland have absolutely the right idea. Although poor Johnny Logan will turn in his grave (not that he's dead) they've chosen a puppet turkey called Dustin to represent them. Maybe a totally inanimate object like, say, a fridge would be good for us next year. Stick it out on the stage for 3 and a half minutes and you never know, we may pick up the odd point from Moldova or Lithuania.
 
Xenophobic? Moi??