Distraught Cheryl hasn’t eaten for a WEEK;
Fears are growing for Cheryl Cole – who hasn't eaten for nearly a week. Since the revelations of her husband's infidelity, Cheryl, who already has the build of a pixie, is said to be "close to collapse" and suffering dizzy spells. A source close to the star has revealed that she can't eat a proper meal and can only stomach fluids. The source said: "Everyone is really worried about Cheryl. She didn't eat for a couple of days and everyone close to her understood because she was so upset. But time has dragged on and she has now gone the best part of a week without a proper meal. She was already incredibly thin because she had been working out for the Girls Aloud video... but she can't force food down because she is still in shock. She's been having dizzy spells and is close to collapse. It's really worrying."

Jeremy Beadle RIP
Professional prankster Jeremy Beadle has died at the young age of 59 – after suffering from pneumonia. The funnyman died last night with his wife Sue by his hospital bedside. His agent Nick Chapman said, "Jeremy was one of ITV's biggest ever stars. He will be sadly missed." Jeremy, who has been hailed as telly's "ultimate joker", was admitted to hospital last week but slipped into a coma and shortly after passed away. Jeremy will be remembered for hosting many different shows including Game For A Laugh, You've Been Framed and Beadle's About. Close friend Henry Kelly said, "Beadle was a genius – so inventive and so much fun. He was also at times a bloody nuisance, of course... He'd be embarrassed if I was to catalogue the things he did. He was just a thoroughly good guy."

Britney’s a “meth addict”
Last night it was claimed that Britney Spears is addicted to crystal meth. A new US report claims that the singer’s erratic behaviour is a clear sign of a “drug-addled descent into madness” and that a “three-day crystal meth binge” led to that stand-off with police in LA in which she refused to hand over her sons to K-Fed’s bodyguard. An insider told an American newspaper: “Britney was his on meth and naked all day before [the stand-off incident]. She took meth during her pregnancies.” These allegations come after Brit was spotted wearing a nipple-revealing top in LA yesterday and apparently paid £25K cash for a brand new Mercedes.

Alfie forced to trim his bits
The most embarrassing news of the morning: Alfie Allen’s pubic hair region is apparently so out of control that he’s been asked to get it trimmed before stripping off in his first night of West End play Equus tonight. A source said, “The producers and director are waxing *guffaw* lyrical about Alfie – he is incredibly talented. But rehearsals for one of the play’s climatic scenes, in which he appears naked alongside co-star Laura O’Toole, revealed a knotty problem – his pubic hair.” Yikes. *Hides under desk.* “It was out of control and not doing justice to his manhood,” added the blabbermouth. Has Lily’s little bro not heard of the “Boyzilian” beauty treatment that’s sweeping the nation? Apparently since David Beckham appeared in that pants advert, more men than ever are wanting to keep their goldenballs as trim as Becks. Get thee to a salon, Alf.