We don't know about you, but what summer is really crying out for is some sort of anthem. You know, a banging tune that fantasises about locking Kate Middleton in a dungeon, hitting on her sister Pippa, thinking about suicide like Kurt Cobain and wanting to live life like Frank Gallagher. No?
Well - who'd a thunk it? - silly-hatted Dappy from N-Dubz has stepped forward with these exact components for his new song, becoming the pop-purveyor to all our music needs this summer with No Regrets. Nope, it's not a Robbie Williams cover, but instead the Dapster has put all his finest lyrical prowess to his first solo track, out on September 18, should you want to assault your eardrums.
Sample lyrics? Oh, go on then: "I’m a prince and yes Will get the crown, Kate stays in my dungeon when her sister’s round."
"You know I feel your pain cos I dun been through it. I’m Kurt Cobain but I just couldn’t do it."
"I’m free to be whatever. Cos I’m famous. Call me Gallagher. Cos I’m so Shameless. The papers sell their pages at the cost of my failures. Victimised by the public, don’t know if I can take this.’
Ah, you poor little lamb, you dun been through so much.
The N-Dublette said: "I really wanted my first solo single to make a big impact. It’s good to have fun with lyrics and make people sit up and listen.
"I have big goals. I want to have two number one singles back-to-back as a solo artist."
Phew. Quite a hefty claim, and one we're not sure the world is ready for. Or our ears.