Coco Austin reacted to the storm by going outside on a balcony and seeing what the wind did to her tits. NOTE: this is not how weatherpersons actually gauge the weather. It’s just sort of… sort of really weird.

Big Dumb Goof Ryan Lochte tweets some IMPORTANT NEWS to his followers ahead of the storm. “Due to Hurricane #Sandy the @90210 episode is postponed until November 5th,” he said. “Hope everyone is safe up north!” IMPORTANT. IMPORTANT NEWS.

Kim Kardashian spent the weekend alternately dressing like a mermaid and buying entire trolleys full of bottled water, as though she was getting ready to face off with Sandy with a bunch of emergency supplies. Then, she just flew back home away from the storm anyway. We quite like the idea of Kim as a kooky post-apocalypse survivalist, though. Entire rooms in Chateaux Kardashian filled with Spam. Detailed zombie invasion plans kept in an underground bunker. Sleeping in a tin foil helmet. That sort of thing.

Alec ‘Alec Baldwin’ Baldwin decided to say “pah” to Hurricane Sandy. He said “pah” and also “I should go walk my tiny little dogs in New York’s Greenwich Village, my tiny and ridiculous little dogs”.

Picture by Andrew Gauthier / Buzzfeed.com

Joan Collins seems to have confused herself for Reuters in the midst of all the chaos, taking to Twitter to keep her followers fully updated with Sandy news from all over the US and saving them the bother of, like, actually reading the news. Also: this.

Snooki tweeted this snap of her all hunkered down away from the storm with new baby Lorenzo, followed later by the missive “Winds are crazy….” Yes, Snooki. Winds ARE crazy.

Lindsay Lohan chooses to completely ignore hurricane naming convention and just branch out on her own ticket, here. We quite like this idea for parties, though. “What’s your name? James? I’m going to call you Phillip. Be positive, pray for peace.”