It's hard to know what to get footballers for their birthday, seeing as they are rich and they can buy whatever they want and also they only like sports cars, PS3s and Nando's loyalty cards, anyway. Those are the main three. Also footballs, they like footballs.
And so faced with this conundrum and a whole shelf full of similar-looking footballs in her local branch of JJB, Tulisa decided to do something a little different for Danny Simpson's birthday this week. She decided to give him a hella raunchy sort of lap dance thing in front of a load of clubbers. RUDE.
"She flung her hair back, grinding up against him, before wrapping her arms around his neck to pull herself closer," it says here, according to The Mirror, "all the while sucking seductively on a lollipop."
"He nuzzled his face into her chest and kissed her neck," the paper also reports. Is it getting hot in here? It is not getting hot in here.
Apparently Danny was limited in terms of dancing back seeing as he broke two toes during a football match on Boxing Day, while Tutu and her dude were also joined by her PA Gareth Varney, who is still on crutches after having his foot run over by photographers in October. What we have learned from this is Tulisa is cursed is some bizarre and specific way and if you get too close to her, dark forces will conspire to mash up your foot. You were warned.