Oh, hello. You just caught us idly daydreaming about Rita Ora as Louis Walsh, with sad eyes and a navy shirt, slamming her hip east London fist down on a desk and saying “you look like a boyband”, appealing earnestly across the table to Gary Barlow. Now we’re imagining her as Barlow himself, all stubble and tedium, saying “Robbie” and every single syllable of the word “absolutely”. Now we’re thinking she would make a good Scherzinger, staring furiously at a sound man every time her mic breaks. Also we’re imagining her as Tulisa, which is basically ‘the same person but blonder, slightly more interesting’.
And why are we imagining all of these things? There is an explanation. That explanation is this: according to reports, Ora was approached to take up a permanent role on The X Factor judging panel a few months ago, but decided to defer until she’d, like, made more than one album and stuff.
“There were talks,” she told the Mirror. “But if I were to take on that role it would have to be at a point when I could give it my full attention. I have so much to accomplish first and it’s kind of a full-time job being on The X Factor.
“I love it but if I was to take on a full-time role it would be at a point when I’m loads of albums in.”
No Rita as Barlow, then. But the pint-sized popstar (do we still describe people as pint-sized? Is that pint-sizedist?) did confirm that she would be up for a guest judging role, a la last year’s show. “Being a guest is easier,” she said. “You can say ‘yes’ to people and not have to mentor them.” Lazy.
Well, seeing as Rita Ora is out – who would you like to see on The X Factor judging panel? Not Cowell, you can’t say Cowell. Everyone says Cowell.