Keep clicking to see her ‘do other stuff’
With all that experience keeping Dappy in check (Tulisa spent more than enough time on tour with him as part of N-Dubz, so has plenty of experience changing his nappies and keeping him away from the sweets cupboard and pushing him on swings), Tulisa is more than qualified to go on Channel 4 and sternly point fingers in the faces of inept parents and say things like “no” and “naughty” a lot.
Tulisa has the words ‘The Female Boss’ tattooed on her left arm which, unless we are very much mistaken, makes her more than qualified for a soft position in middle management. Imagine her standing in heels and tutting at a photocopier. Imagine her sitting a warehouse worker of 20 years down and telling him that he did not give 110% often enough. Imagine her sending an all-office e-mail promoting her new CD. Tulisa is made for this.
Tulisa already has one perfume, with another on the way (she recently asked Twitter what she should call it, with some… well, with some mixed responses). Anyway we imagine now that sweet, sweet X Factor gig is over, she can always make a little extra scratch by lugging a couple of boxes of TFB down to Oxford St., pitching up with a wireless mic on, and asking tourists to smell her wrist.
She is very loud. Tulisa is very loud. She could probably sell apples to passersby by shouting at them hard enough.
“Forgive them for what they have done,” Tulisa will say, every single time she defends some kid in a hoodie from a shoplifting wrap. “’Cause they are young / ‘cause they are young.”
Tulisa’s dancing experience from N-Dubz seemed to centre on pointing to her crotch and then pointing to the crowd and then looking angry and then doing the symbol of a gun with her fingers, which might be a bit too much for Bruce-y, but would be a major coup for the Beeb after the Alesha-Dixon-to-ITV-debacle.
BRAP BRAP YOU COME ‘ROUND MY ENDS INNIT
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