Jennifer Lawrence is, quite possibly, the best human on the face of the planet - fact. And it's not because she's a talented actress (she is, obviously - they don't hand out Oscars for nothing!) or amazingly good looking (again, she is - hence the Dior campaign, y'know?). It's because she doesn't give one tiny mouse dropping about what anyone thinks of her, says exactly what she's thinking and is, generally, the ballsiest person in Hollywood. Ever.
Which is why WE'VE decided to celebrate JenLaw's 23rd birthday with a roundup of her 23 best quotes / Lawrence-isms. Prepare yourself for a tiny sneak-peek into the Hunger Games star's constantly whirling mind…
“I’m a horrible dancer! I’m like a dad at prom. I look like Gumby getting electrocuted.”
She has FLAWS, people! Well, one flaw. But it's still something.
"You guys are just standing up because you feel bad that I fell and that’s really embarrassing, but thank you.”
Yes, we saw you fall at the Oscars 2013 - but the fact you got up again deserved a standing ovation. Don't knock it, JenLaw.
"It's terrifying...They say my name and it's as if I'm going to get my head cut off or something. I just hate speaking publically. Anyway, this is a tremendous honor!"
Her thoughts on acceptance speeches, naturally.
"Adele was [at] the next table over. And I had such a high fever, and I felt like I couldn’t move, and I saw Adele, and there was nobody in the way…And I just reached my arm out and went, ‘Hi, uh—’ [Falls over.] And my dad goes, ‘What? Jen? What’s the matter?’ And I was like, ‘Iwuzjustalkadele.’”
She met Adele, guys. That's basically the same as meeting a minor deity.
"‘What's anal leakage? Dash, Jen Lawrence!'"
An example of what would happen if Jennifer Lawrence had Twitter. Why doesn't she have twitter?
"As soon as somebody farts around me, I think it's hilarious. This is something my brothers did that now the boys at work are obsessed with. You cup it, and then you throw it in someone's face and say, ‘Take a bite out of that cheeseburger!'"
It's the simple things in life.
"Oh, what does it say? 'I Beat Meryl!'"
We thought Jennifer's Golden Globe speech was funny, even if Meryl Streep didn't.
"I think people are fascinated with breasts that bounce. They are so used to seeing [fake ones]. People are confused [that mine bounce]! My breasts have a life of their own.”
Sorry, what was that? We were too busy thinking about bouncing… balls. Bouncy balls. Just… let's move on.
"I’m like a dragon!”
She coughed on the David Letterman show and then outed herself as a Targaryen, essentially. And if you don't know what that means, go and read Game Of Thrones.
"I hate saying, ‘I like exercising’ — I want to punch people who say that.”
Ditto. Thanks for not making us want to punch you.
“I wrap myself up to look like Lord Voldemort so that they can’t see anything because the thought of giving them a picture that will make them money absolutely infuriates me.”
Yeah, she hates the paparazzi. But she also just proved she's a Harry Potter fan, like all the good people of this world.
“Not to sound rude, but [acting] is stupid. Everybody’s like, ‘How can you remain with a level head?’ And I’m like, ‘Why would I ever get cocky? I’m not saving anybody’s life. There are doctors who save lives and firemen who run into burning buildings. I’m making movies. It’s stupid.’”
Tell that to Tim Roth.
“I’d rather look chubby on screen and like a person in real life.”
Did we mention we love her already?
“Once I’m obsessed with somebody, I’m terrified of them instantly. I’m not scared of them — I’m scared of meand how I will react. Like, for instance, one time someone was introducing me to Bill Maher, and I saw Meryl Streep walk into the room, and I literally put my hand right in Bill Maher’s face and said, ‘Not now, Bill!’ and I just stared at Meryl Streep. [...] I just creepily stared at her.”
That's what we'd do if we met you Jen, so it's nice you'd be coming into the situation with some level of understanding.
“I’m the fastest pee-er ever. I’m famous for it.”
You're actually famous for being an award-winning actress but, y'know, whatever works for you.
"If I don't have anything to do all day, I might not even put my pants on."
That's right guys, she's JUST LIKE US!
We don't want to ruin this with context; it's just too wonderful.
If you hold the bow and arrow like this and put your shoulders back, it makes your tits look better."
Handy tip. Write that down, someone.
“Don’t worry about the bitches in school — that could be a good motto, because you come across people like that throughout your life.”
Strong message there for her younger fans. Why SHOULD they worry about the bitches at school?
“I wish this was like Mean Girls and I could just break this up and throw it at all of you!”
Yuh-huh, she referenced Mean Girls while picking up her People's Choice Award. Nice.
"I should say it wasn't real, for PETA. But screw PETA."
Yup, it WAS real squirrel in A Winter's Bone. Don't ask.
Peeta and Katniss don't really have the same meld-ability as Brad and Angelina or Kim and Kanye, do they?
"I feel like a shaking Chihuahua at the door!"
Best image ever. Hands down.
If you don't love Jennifer Lawrence after reading those, we have nothing more to say to you. if you DO, however, then please join us in wishing our face actress a very happy 23rd birthday. Fingers crossed she's spending it saying many more ridiculous things...
Step 1. Pick a gallery. Step 2. Click on it. Step 3. Have the time of your life.