Have you been reading about the real-life Russian spies? How exciting! I was once approached by M16 (or “the awesome dudes” as they call themselves) to spy on Hollywood communists in the 1950s. What they didn’t know was at that time I was a communist. I’ll always choose vodka over bourbon and the high-cheekboned Slavic men of the Caucasus over the obese dwarfs of America so my political beliefs followed suite.
Katie Holmes is an introverted, put-upon woman living in the shadow of an overbearing, cagey man who’s love life remains cloaked in secrecy. Or at least she will be when she stars as Jackie Kennedy in a forthcoming television biopic of the famous presidential wife.
Apparently Jennifer Aniston out-earned Brad Pitt last year, somewhere to the tune of $7m. Brad, if you’re reading this, don’t be dispirited. Money isn’t everything. Your fortune may be diminishing but you can go to the grave knowing you didn’t star in either The Bounty Hunter or Love Happens. Jen on the other hand will probably have to undergo expensive electro-shock therapy to block out those shameful memories later in life.
Congratulations to Meryl Streep on getting cast as Margaret Thatcher for a forthcoming film. I actually met the Iron Lady herself once; at a charity do for General Pinochet. My lawyers tell me I can’t talk about what transpired until she dies, so I’ll just say that she can really fight. I mean, she uses anything that comes to hand. Bottles, chairs, anything.
Talking of money issues my sources tell me that Mischa Barton is having to flog her designer clothes to boutiques to make a bit of cash. I’d hope they were unworn. Mischa may be beautiful but she has a very particular kind of smell. It’s not a bad smell, but it is a smell nonetheless.
With the duel success of Harry Potter (kids in a magical school) and Twilight (sexy vampires in North-West America) is it any surprise that Hollywood is about to make a series of films based on a set of books called Vampire Academy (sexy vampires in a magical school in North-West America)? It reminds me of that time in the 1970s when I pitched a film about a giant shark who eats people in a galaxy far, far away.
All the best,
Miss Yap Yap x