Is anything better than Iron Man, a man made of iron? Let's think, let's see: NOPE, NOT LIKELY. Which is why we are so psyched about the teaser trailer released today featuring Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow and Ben Kingsley. Correction: Sir Ben Kingsley. Sorry, Benny.
Here is why Iron Man is the best superhero – he is a MILLIONAIRE played by ANOTHER MILLIONAIRE. He is basically a double millionaire. Plus he can fly. Plus he flirts with Gwyneth Paltrow all day. Plus his best buddy is a disembodied robot. Do you get where we are going with this? We are going to Psyched Town, population: Us, and there we are watching an 18-second trailer that simply advertises another trailer on repeat forever.
Yes, a trailer for a trailer. This is the world we live in now. Here, to save you 0:18 seconds, we will talk you through the teaser trailer without you having to watch it:
0:00 – 0:03 seconds: Robert Downey Jr. walks slowly through a crowd
0:03 – 0:04 seconds: the words 'This Tuesday' appear on screen. All we can think, all we have ever wanted to know, now grips us. The question, ringing through our souls and our very bodies: "WHAT HAPPENS THIS TUESDAY?"
0:04 – 0:10 seconds: nothing much happens. Gwyneth Paltrow seems to be giving birth to something while strapped in to a rollercoaster. That is not a film we want to see.
0:11 – 0:12 seconds: Iron Man flies at some helicopters and then the screen goes black.
0:12 – 0:17 seconds: THE END. It turns out this Tuesday will see the real trailer released. Still, consider our appetites whetted. More details tomorrow, when i. the real trailer is out ii. we have calmed down.
UPDATE: It is here and it is amazing!