We don't know about you, but all this Heather Mills/Paul McCartney legal bananas is making us feel dizzy. Let's face it, we don't want to hear all the legal jargon, we just want the juicy facts. So here it is, the meaty bits of the case, just for you, with all legal jibberish removed:

The judge was unconvinced by some of Heather’s claims, and had to this to say, “The wife for her part must have felt rather swept off her feet by a man as famous as the husband. I think this may well have warped her perception leading her to indulge in make-belief.”

Heather claimed that she was very wealthy before she married Sir Paul, but the also judge disagreed with this, saying, “I cannot accept the wife’s case that she was wealthy and independent by the time she met the husband. Her problem stems from the lack of any documentary evidence to support her case”

Another claim made by the former model was that Paul’s attitude towards her career was one of constriction, and that he told her what she could and couldn’t do. She wanted to claim compensation from her lack of earnings during their marriage. Again, the judge was unconvinced: “The husband, in my judgment, gave compelling evidence that no-one tells the wife what to do. Indeed watching the wife give evidence and present her case she came across to me as strong willed and very determined. Compensation, therefore, does not arise”.

In addition to claiming she had turned down “huge amounts of work” Heather then went against that and complained that “bad press” had left her unable to work. Clearly she was finding it hard to make her mind up on this issue, but it did not impress the judge, who writes, “Her evidence that she had turned down huge amounts of work is quite inconsistent with her assertion that her earning capacity is zero.” he later describes her as “inconsistent” and “less than impressive”.

In closing, the judge criticised the amount Heather had asked for, saying it was “unreasonable” and “excessive”.

There was, however, some good stuff. Speaking about the couple’s daughter, the judge says that Paul was happy that Heather was a good mother, and that custody of Beatrice will continue to be shared between the pair.