1. We nearly got beaten by a band that swapped their bass player so that they could include a unicyclist with an ear trumpet in 2011 (only 3 points in it). And we actually did get beaten by Jedward. This is unacceptable.

2. People might start thinking that what we send is an accurate representation of the current state of pop in the United Kingdom.

3. We're running out of people to perform at Gay Pride. It's getting really awkward when Bucks Fizz do the skirt reveal.

4. The Olympics and Paralympics have reminded us how much we enjoy winning things. I want to see a Eurovision entrant get an OBE.

5. We already have a stadium we could use, we just have to evict Emeli Sande and Madness.

6. When we send something good we do really well. Blue finished on the right hand side of the board and the song that Lloyd-Webber wrote came fourth in 2009. Don't, however, let Pete Waterman anywhere near the song.

7. The Last time we were in Malmö (where the final is held this year) we came second with Michael Ball's One Step Out of Time. We need to beat our record.

8. Imagine how amazing the BBC montage would be (obviously soundtracked by 'Love Shine a Light').

9. Danny Boyle would create the greatest half time show since Riverdance. Imagine how mental he could get when it's only Europe watching.

10. If this year's song was a major success then maybe next year we could convince One Direction to be our entrant. We would win by a landslide.

11. With mounting public support the BBC could bring back 'Making Your Mind Up' so we could pick the song again. Even if our track record of that isn't the best, Daz Sampson anyone? Andy Abrahams? ANYONE?

12. It would make me happier than Claudia Winkleman when Brucie has a day off.