We are so glad The Only Way is Essex is back. It’s been too long since we last saw acres of orange flesh and eyelashes that would shame a giraffe. Anyone who doesn’t like it can just shuuut-up.
TOWIE is back and we are delighted. Last night’s episode was a corker. Arg tried to persuade Lydia to move in with him so they could live in the flat below Mark.
Arg’s estate agent skills were amazing. He impressed Lydia with his talk of a ‘retractor’ fan, hot and cold water, and a fridge with food in it. Who wouldn’t want to live in a flat like that?
Their options of where to live have been slightly limited because they had to find somewhere that was pig friendly for their ‘first born child’ Mr Darcy.
Mr Darcy was looking good though and even had his feet painted red to match Lydia’s Christian Louboutin’s for the launch of Minnies, Sam’s new shop. Nanny Pat was also a guest and even took a cheese and pineapple hedgehog to share.
Amy was back, and we met a new character Chloe. Now we don’t like to judge on heatworld, but we suspect Chloe may have had a bit of work done on her face. Just a little bit.
She did seem lovely though and it’s great that Amy has a new friend to talk to about tan shades all day long.
Speaking of new friends Mark Wright has an apprentice, Joey Essex. Yes that is his real name. Joey dreams of being like Mark when he grows up. We think Joey should aim a little bit higher but we can’t wait to see how he gets on, this may or may not be related to the fact he is hot.
Kirk went out car shopping and ended up setting his dad up on a blind date with the car saleswoman. It was going well until Chloe turned up and Kirk’s dad lost the ability to speak properly.
The most gripping moment was when Mark sat down with Sam Faiers to have a chat about being a grown-up. We thought he was going to own up to being a berk and apologise for messing Sam around but instead he told Sam he was going to give things another go with Lauren.
We were shocked. We hope Sam is okay.
It would be an understatement to say we are excited about the next episode.
If you’d like to see a week in the life of Amy Child’s wardrobe or if you need to know what Nanny Pat thinks of Jordan’s new bloke buy latest issue of heat out tomorrow.