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GALLERY: Ten reasons why Prince Harry will be the best uncle EVER

The royal baby may already have more money than all of us combined plus a bunch of sweet stuff like palaces and crowns and cool solid gold cots, but the main reason we are so jealous of him/her (yeah, we’re jealous of a baby) is that he/she will have the coolest uncle ever in the world ever in the form of Prince Harry. And why is Prince Harry the coolest uncle ever in the world ever? READ ON, FIND OUT.

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1. Prince Harry will buy the kid its first pint, guaranteed
1. Prince Harry will buy the kid its first pint, guaranteed
1. Prince Harry will buy the kid its first pint, guaranteed
 
1. Prince Harry will buy the kid its first pint, guaranteed

Remember drinking on a park bench in the gloomy dusk light while boys with muscly dog and baseball caps ran around saying swear words? Well, the royal baby will never know this thing. The royal baby will probably know what a Nebuchadnezzar of champagne is before his/her 18th birthday thanks to Prince ‘cool uncle’ Harry, who will be pouring it from the balconies, pouring it straight into his/her mouth without even pausing to put it in a glass, pouring it into dog bowls and throwing it in the air. COOL UNCLE.

2. Tanks. TANKS.
2. Tanks. TANKS.
2. Tanks. TANKS.
 
2. Tanks. TANKS.

Prince Harry did ‘something’ in the Army once, and now has basically unlimited access to cool war stuff like tanks. Late to school? GO IN THE TANK. Fancy a late-night Pepperami from the corner shop? GO IN THE TANK. Being bullied by posh kids with lots of teeth? GO UP TO THEM IN A TANK.

3. He is mates with loads of celebs
3. He is mates with loads of celebs
3. He is mates with loads of celebs
 
3. He is mates with loads of celebs

Prince ‘second, less important prince’ Harry doesn’t have to really do the same number of royal things that his brother William does, which frees up way more of his summer for ‘going to festivals and getting hugely ritzed’. He hung out with Rolling Stones at Glastonbury, then went and partied with Mumford & Sons in the Olympic Park. He even knows Mollie King out of The Saturdays. COOL UNCLE.

4. He will help you out whenever you have a last minute costume party to go to
4. He will help you out whenever you have a last minute costume party to go to
4. He will help you out whenever you have a last minute costume party to go to
 
4. He will help you out whenever you have a last minute costume party to go to

[Explanation of joke deleted on legal advice]

5. He can teach you how to shoot pool
5. He can teach you how to shoot pool
5. He can teach you how to shoot pool
 
5. He can teach you how to shoot pool

[Explanation of joke deleted on legal advice]

6. He won’t especially rag on you for not doing your homework
6. He won’t especially rag on you for not doing your homework
6. He won’t especially rag on you for not doing your homework
 
6. He won’t especially rag on you for not doing your homework

After an education worth– *takes out calculator, adds a string of enormous numbers together* – oh, about a billion pounds, Harry finally left school with (drumroll, please) two entire A-Levels, including a D in Geography. Don’t fancy doing your maths homework? HE WILL BLOW IT UP WITH A HELICOPTER-MOUNTED GUN.

7. He absolutely kills it on tambourine
7. He absolutely kills it on tambourine
7. He absolutely kills it on tambourine
 
7. He absolutely kills it on tambourine

Remember when Gary Barlow did that Jubilee song, Sing? What do you mean, ‘no’? Anyway, Harry played tambourine on the track. COOL UNCLE.

8. He likes playing sports
8. He likes playing sports
8. He likes playing sports
 
8. He likes playing sports

How many times when you were a kid were you denied the chance to kick a ball around in the park or throw a frisbee because your Dad was too busy going rapidly bald and flying helicopters around over Anglesey and other Prince stuff? Exactly. Harry likes rugby, polo, skiing and shooting – posh sports, obviously, but still, you’ll always have a playmate. COOL UNCLE.

9. He is probably the best wingman in the entire world
9. He is probably the best wingman in the entire world
9. He is probably the best wingman in the entire world
 
9. He is probably the best wingman in the entire world

Prince Harry has been linked with a string of ladies, both posh and civilian, and was blatantly pictured chatting up Pippa Middleton at his brother’s wedding. If you ever need help pulling, Prince Harry’s your man.

10. He's killed before
10. He's killed before
10. He's killed before
 
10. He's killed before

Look in his eyes. Look in his haunted, royal eyes. This man has killed. He automatically wins any “my uncle is harder than your uncle”–type fight you might get into in the schoolyard.

 
 

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