Jordan, Cheryl Cole, Britney Spears: Worst celebrity tanning disasters of all time (just bring shades)

Posted by Gilly Ferguson on 20 September 2012 17:27 Comments

DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SCREEN: Cheryl Cole, Britney Spears , Katie Price and co. really were this orange – you’ll want to see, then unsee, these pictures. Then swear off self-tan for good (for today).

Amy Childs is the latest star to fall victim to a terrible tan, showing off a VERY bronzed chest - and less bronzed face at the The Clothes Show Live in Birmingham today. Fret not Amy, we've all been there. And by we, we mean Christina Aguilera and co...

To mark the looming Strictly Come Dancing final (heatworld have pulled together the MOST SHOCKING CELEBRITY TANNING DISASTERS OF ALL TIME! It warrants over-zealous use of the Caps Lock, believe us.

Britney Spears! Lindsay Lohan! Christina Aguilera! Lindsay Lohan! TOWIE! Lindsay Lohan! Kristen Stewart! Lindsay Lohan… they’ve all fallen foul of white armpits, flesh socks and marmalade moustaches (it’s a thing).

If this story was scratch n’ sniff, right now you’d be getting Wotsits and curried Cornflakes with top notes of Malted Milk. Sniff the screen at your peril (NB nothing will happen, though your boss may pull you aside for being weird).

Oh yeah, and Kristen Stewart’s not in the gallery, clearly, but look who is...

Gallery

Dale Winton aka the KING of tan welcomes YOU...

... to the Top 23 Most Shocking Celeb Tanning Disasters, of ALL time gallery.

Thank you Dale.

Amy Childs has been attacked, ish, by a terrible tan job...

She's not the only one either, check out these bad boys to the right!

Out on the tan, sorry town, with Andy Scott Lee. We're not even sure what colour that is, answers on an e-postcard please...

Like the milk moustache, only with marmalade. Only it's not even marmalade - it's self tan. There are no words (bar the ones above).

Nicole Kidman may err on the more pale and interesting end of the tanning spectrum but for the love of gawd, what happened to Christina!?

Worst thing is, she thinks she's cracked a funny, but they're definitely just laughing at her tan.

Guess whose hand these bad boys belong to!?

It's Britney, we don't have all day. To be fair to Brit', this is a fairly common tanning complaint. St Tropez Skin Finishing Expert Nichola Joss recommends using lemon juice to remove stains, or theirTanning Remover, from £9.20.

Yup, it's official, Mr Cooper uses fake tan. Badly. And mainly forgets to apply it evenly around his neckline.

Oh to get our (tanning) mitts on him.... mmmmmmmm....

By Giorgio, Armani loves a man tan. Fact.

Britney's very pleased with her Parisi-tan

Remember Jonny Robinson offa the X Factor?

Thanks to this tan, now you definitely will...

Beautiful lady, one aggressive tan.

Gotta love Girls Aloud, gotta laugh at their tans.

This picture will warm your cockles, and your eyes.

Yup. Okay it's no Jordan, but even style icons slash socialites suffer from uneven tans sometimes. Which probably means it's a trend? Hang on, is this a trend?

She may be body building here, but it's nice to get Jodie's Ronseal of approval nonetheless (hello dad joke)...

Lindsay Lohan's tanned everything-but-the-feet

At first we thought Lilo may've been rocking that ol' ankle sock and heels trend. We thought wrong, that's just skin. Because everyone tans in socks, right? NO. EVERYONE DOESN'T TAN IN SOCKS LINDSAY! (Apologies, it's the imaginary fumes)

Lindsay, we know you have little things like racking up court orders on your mind. But, you know, think before you tan, please.

Unless it's not self tan. In which case, as you were.

Putting the tan into Valentino and making, err, ValenTAN-oh? No? Never mind...

It's important that Donatella Versace gets a mention too...

Don-a-tell-a though, eh!? Geddit, don't-tell-her? [Huge apologies, the tan's reached our brains]

Bit harsh, but you could blame Strictly for making tans that come BRIGHTER THAN THE SUN. Having said that, we're well excited about the show and it least it'll add brighten up autumn's lead-coloured skies.

Hell, embrace the tans! Go nuts! Just be sure to take your socks /' moustache off...