Alright, get out a large sheet of coloured paper and some felt tip pens because this is going to get complicated: The X Factor's Lucy Spraggan has admitted she fancies Tulisa.
Speaking to The Sun this weekend, Spraggs – if we're not all calling her Spraggs yet then allow us to claim dibs on that – got to talking about her mentor, and then suddenly got all wistful and misty-eyed and touched a single window pane while it was raining.
"I love her," said Spraggs™, as a simple piano piece played in the background. "Of course I fancy her. All men and women fancy her."
Quite the claim
That is quite the claim, Spraggs™, so lets break it down and look at things, here. Everyone, take out your piece of paper and pens. Write 'TULISA' in big letters in the middle of it. Now write 'Kye Sones' and draw an arrow to indicate that he fancies the X Factor judge, too. "Tulisa is an absolute knockout," said the former chimney sweep, presumably after he was jettisoned here from the 1890s. "She is really streetwise and confident and I like that in a girl."
Who else has a maths book under their bed with loads of love hearts and pictures of Tulisa sellotaped to it? 50 Cent, that's who. The rapper said he would 'love' to take Tulisa for dinner last year. And US artist The-Dream also seems to be crushing pretty hard on the T, inviting the newly single judge to New York for a two-day bender earlier this year. This is exhausting.
What does Tulisa have to say about all this? "I have a girl crush on Nicole," she said, in August. Oh, for f– right, the Tulisa Fancying Index is just in bits now, it's a mess. We're putting ours in the bin. Conclusion: everyone fancies Tulisa. Everyone.
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