JLS are getting serious, everybody, so just sit down for a minute and listen. They've stopped doing backflips and everything. They've changed out of their weird floppy cowl-neck jumpers and put a shirt and tie on. That one who always wears a hat has stopped wearing a hat. JLS are about to drop some knowledge on us, on all of us:
"Don't go out so much," says Oritse Williams, hatlessly. "I know it's tempting."
Oritse is getting all solemn on us because he is actually sending a coded message to this year's X Factor finalists about how best to survive the competition. Speaking at the premiere for the new Bond film Skyfall, the boys had some words of advice for the current crop which, instead of just saying, they sang in perfect four-part harmony (they did not actually sing it in perfect four-part harmony).
"You've got to remember, it's a competition at the end of the da-a-a-a-ay," sang Aston, smoothly. "Do you know what I mean? Every week, you're singing live. Any singer around the world will tell yo-o-o-o-o-ou, that going out" – at this point Aston put his arms out to the side as though to say 'stop' and started singing in short, breathy sentences, and the rest of the JLS troupe joined in to harmonise on every last word of every line – "shouting, even laughing, is detrimental to your voice." Then they all put their heads into the centre, held their ears and went "ooh!".
The guys, just chatting. There's no audience.
Sometimes we like to image the JLS boys all living in one sprawling mansionette in north London and just singing to each other all day. "Where has all the milk gone, Ma-a-a-a-rvin?" says J.B., all holding up an empty pint bottle. Marvin pulls a microphone close to him, flicks on the autotone, balls his fists and croons: "I got some just this MO-O-RNING. Oritse must have HAD ANOTHER BIG BOWL OF CEREAL AGAIN." They don't do that, we must add. That has never happened.