To fully enjoy the following words, please switch your mental voice from 'your own' to 'big-voiced man off the start of The X Factor'. Got it? Good. Now: IT'S TIME. TO HAVE. A FLUTTER.
Yes, yes. Tonight is the first X Factor show of the weekend, and will see nine acts sings songs and do dances and maybe do both at the same time. Then Gary Barlow will say, alternately, "brill-yunt" and then "ab-so-lute-ly aw-ful" and Tulisa will be a bit sassy. Louis Walsh will sit there, on the end, bewildered throughout.
These things we know. But what we don't know is what will happen as a result of all this singing and dancing and Saturday night light entertainment. Which – and here comes the Science Bit – is what makes betting fun. Betting is basically 'the fear of the unknown' plus 'money'.
To that end, William Hill are offering a whole bunch of outcomes you can bet on, to make watching tonight's X Factor even more fun. Can you bet on who will be the first act announced safe this weekend? Yes, you can. Can you bet on who will be in the bottom two? Also yes. Can you bet on whether Louis will get all confused again and send the thing to deadlock? Absolutely, yes.
And guess what: you don't even need to start betting your own money. If you sign up with the promo code F25, you'll get a free £25 bet to spend on what you want. PUT THE HOUSE ON RYLAN. PUT. THE HOUSE. ON RYLAN.