X Factor hopeful Rylan Clark has admitted that one time he kissed David Beckham. On the cheek. In a hair salon in Essex. So many timeless, beautiful romances have started this way.
In fact, if you subscribe to the Many-worlds Theory as first formulated by Hugh Everett in 1975 – which all of us here at heat do – then somewhere out in the ether there is a parallel world where that one kiss on the cheek got, by a few twists and turns, insanely freaky, and Rylan Clark inhabits that world as its reigning Posh Spice. Let that sink in for a second. This world exists.
Anyway, back to the quotes.
"I once met David Beckham in a salon and kissed him on the cheek," Rylan told Metro. "I wish it was more, but unfortunately it wasn't. I mean, I'm no Rebecca Loos."
Of course and by the same Many-world Interpretation, somewhere out there is a world where Rebecca Loos is very happily holed up with that pig she once did unspeakable things to on reality TV show The Farm. In that same world we are not legally required to mention that David Beckham strongly denies Rebecca's claims RE: them having an affair one time in Spain, but that world is not this one, and we are.
Rylan also admitted he was still single due to his gripping fear of rejection. A fear so strong that he puts himself on a high-profile TV talent contest week after week and sings dance songs.
"I've been single for three years," he said. "It's so long." We're assuming he's talking about his man-drought, and not… well, best not to go there. (In a parallel universe we are going there).
"I'm so uncomfortable, I'm too frightened of rejection. People are just going to be like, 'Ew, you're ugly'." There is someone out there for you, Rylan. Somewhere, sometime.