Imagine being George Shelley out of Union J, just knowing your name messes everything up. Because he was a late pick, remember? Every year on the X Factor Louis Walsh or whatever will go through boybands like a delicious pick 'n' mix, taking a handful of dolly mixture from here (George Shelley) and adding it to a bag of chocolate raisins (all the ones out of Triple J) there Then he will shake them up and make them sing songs for four weeks before they get knocked out during a double eviction.
Anyway, everyone in Union J whose name begins with a 'J' step forward. That means you, JJ. You too, Jaymi. Not you, George. Josh, step forward. Right: you're all getting sued.
Yeah, sued: turns out, you can sue a boyband. One Direction got sued, so have others. Who knew you could sue a boyband? Well, pop music manager Julian White knew you could sue a boyband. That's why he's suing a boyband.
"I made these lads," he told The Sun, in a delightful Sunset Boulevard style. "We signed an agreement for a contract. Next thing I know they've changed their name to Triple J and auditioned for X Factor with Blair as their manager."
Union J, alongside some bands who have yet to be sued
"They got all aggressive when I asked them why they'd gone," he continued, presumably while lurching around his mansion wrapped in bandages. "I've consulted my lawyer and as soon as they start earning I'm coming after them for five per cent."
We can't imagine Union J getting aggressive, can you? Even with George (hereby: 'Jeorge') to puff up their ranks. Just fight them, Julian. Just hold them down and steal their lunch money if it hurts you so bad.