Tonight's X Factor should be a pretty big draw what with, oh, just the little thing of EVERYONE SINGING FOR THE FIRST TIME LIVE ON TV.
But to ensure the ITV's talent contest truly competes against the BBC might of Strictly Come Dancing, X Factor overlord Simon Cowell has lined up a host of Olympic talent to help the live finals start off with a bang.
Yeah, you thought the Olympics were over and you could hide your barely-used running shoes and forget about sport for another four years, didn't you? Wrong. No fewer than eleven Team GB medallists will appear on tonight's final, with cyclists Laura Trott, Dani King, Lizzie Armiststead and Joanna Rosell joining boxers Nicola Adams and Luke Campbell and taekwondo kicky-puncher Jade Jones on stage.
Rowers Tom James, Pete Reed and Alex Gregory will also line-up alongside dressage champion Charlotte Dujardin.
It's thought the X Factor guests will dispense some wise advice to the competitors, like "always warm up your calf muscles" and "wear a tracksuit over your stage clothes" and "don't do the Mo–bot, it's copyrighted" as part of an Olympic-themed feel-good show.
But is that all? That is not all. The One Direction boys will also drop by, wave a bit, say something encouraging and then bounce away again without performing. In fact, with all these guests, will there be any opportunity to perform?
Well, yes. With tonight being dubbed 'Heroes' Night', contestants will be performing tenuously connected songs - with Rylan Clark expected to perform Spandau Ballet's Gold and other, less mental contestants performing Simply the Best and Rule the World. We're going to go ahead and coin this word to describe tonight's event ahead of schedule: Olymptastic.