One of the best performances of the night was Jahmene and Nicole's rendition of The Greatest Love of All. Was it because it was the best vocal performance? Nope. Was it the best staging? Nope. Was it because Nicole's microphone cut out a few seconds in and the two had to share the same mic for the rest of the song? Nope, although that was impressive. The best thing was Nicole's death glare at the end of their performance. The one that said "I will find the sound man who did this to me and I will hurt him very, very much."
The highlight of Kylie's performance wasn't the fact that she was dressed as a Quality St. or that the producer seemed obsessed with roving tracking shots of her crotch or that she did a great, slowed down version of a classic: it was her post-match interview. Instead of robotically repeating some bland platitudes about how 'great all the finalists are' and how there are some 'real musicians in there', she instead used two entirely nonplussed backing dancers as a lean-to. Kylie every week from now on, please.
No, we don't know, either. Was there a 38-second void in the show that producers had to fill? Did James insist on walking onto the stage like a boxer? Did they need that long just to make sure the microphones were working? Whatever the reason, James Arthur took a really long run-up onto the stage, before doing a very respectable version of Nina Simone's Feeling Good.
Rita Ora has had a tough old week what with her very public break-up with Rob Kardashian, but did it stop her from getting on top of a burning car wearing just a pair of Simon Cowell's trousers? It did not stop her getting on top of a burning car while wearing just a pair of Simon Cowell's trousers. Yeah, Rita! Show him what he's missing! Maybe wear a t-shirt over it next time, it looks weird! But otherwise you go girl!
Well, they didn't get shot and die. It's just, right at the end of the final, with all the excitement, one of the camera operators did swandive to the floor, camera first. Thankfully, @heatworld was on hand to capture the disaster. Get well soon for tonight, whoever crunched their face yesterday.