Clingy Friend

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Clingy Friend - 4/11/2009 9:53:45 AM   
Maz_23


Posts: 2362
Joined: 20/8/2007
Status: offline 		Just wondered if anyone could offer any advice...I have a guy friend who I knew a long time ago but we lost touch and have only been in contact again via facebook for about 6 months. I went to his birthday party a few months ago, met his friends and girlfriend etc and we met up a few times just the two of us to catch up and stuff. But he started texting me loads and admitted that all those years ago that he had a huge crush on me and that he still did! It made things a bit awkward and I tried to make it clear that I wasn't interested but he sent me lots of texts, sometimes until 2am and was trying to make plans to see each other more and more. I was then in a serious relationship and he cooled off, however I am single again and by total coincidence we are now living very close to each other. He's suddenly very full on again (texting me, emailing me and suggesting he pop over at all different times of the day) and has told me that he has also split from his gf, despite the fact that they are still sharing a one bed flat together.

I enjoy spending time with him and we have a good laugh but I only see him as a friend, nothing more. I've been having a bit of a crap week trying to deal with my break up and to cheer me up, we went to the cinema last night. It was all ok until he tried to hold my hand during the film! At first I thought he was just trying to get my attention and was going to ask me to pass the popcorn or something but I soon realised that wasn't the case. After about 30 seconds I managed to break free and picked up my drink which I proceeded to cling onto for the rest of the film. He suggested coming back to mine after the film but I made an excuse about having to pop into my Dad's and went home alone. But I also decided to check his supposed ex-gf's facebook last night and it clearly states that she is still in a realtionship with him and her profile pic has been updated in the last week or so, with a picture of the two of them looking very happy at a recent party. It seems he's not being quite so honest about the state of his relationship - a part of me wants to confront him about it and show that he can't get away with being a liar but I don't want it to seem like I'm interested etc. I also want to make it clear that I wasn't happy with him trying to hold my hand. He's already text me since I saw him last night asking how I am etc but I haven't replied yet. Do I ignore the incident and carry on as friends, confront him about the hand-holding and/or his 'ex' or just ignore him altogether? I would miss his friendship but I'm not sure that he's able to offer me just that....help!!
Post #: 1
RE: Clingy Friend - 4/11/2009 9:58:15 AM   
louise5754


Posts: 384
Joined: 19/11/2007
Status: offline 		Why do men do this??? God forbid two friends go to the cinema without an alterior motive!! I would definately speak to him about it.He probably hasnt a clue your not interested until you literally spell it out for him.

(in reply to Maz_23)
Post #: 2
RE: Clingy Friend - 4/11/2009 10:02:21 AM   
CSIYorkshire


Posts: 1424
Joined: 3/8/2009
Status: offline 		I would sit him down and tell him straight out that you are just not interested in him it that way, though by the sound of things it may be hard for him to accept this.

(in reply to Maz_23)
Post #: 3
RE: Clingy Friend - 4/11/2009 10:03:03 AM   
Maz_23


Posts: 2362
Joined: 20/8/2007
Status: offline 		It's shitty, isn't it! I have very little faith in men at the moment and he's not doing much to help me think otherwise. Do I ask about the ex too or just let that one slide? I am tempted to post on his wall about us going out last night - if they are together, I'm sure she wouldn't be too pleased about it but I don't want to cause un-necessary trouble.

(in reply to louise5754)
Post #: 4
RE: Clingy Friend - 4/11/2009 10:04:28 AM   
louise5754


Posts: 384
Joined: 19/11/2007
Status: offline 		Well you have nothing to hide so why not??She needs to know what he is like.You never know where he told her he was.

(in reply to Maz_23)
Post #: 5
RE: Clingy Friend - 4/11/2009 10:12:24 AM   
Maz_23


Posts: 2362
Joined: 20/8/2007
Status: offline 		That's true, I'm not in the wrong. Will post an innocent enough message but will make sure that it says we were at the cinema together last night and see what happens. What's odd though is that he seems to be free a lot of the time and texts me most evenings, so I don't know if she is out a lot or just doesn't care? Judging by fb though she is definately under the impression that they are still together and they are still sharing a double bed! He insists that nothing is going on and that they are both free to see other people, even though neither of them are. I told him at the time that I don't know a single guy or girl who would be willing to date them, knowing that they share a bed with their ex partner. I know you have to trust someone in a relationship but that's pushing it a little!!

(in reply to louise5754)
Post #: 6
RE: Clingy Friend - 4/11/2009 10:15:00 AM   
CSIYorkshire


Posts: 1424
Joined: 3/8/2009
Status: offline 		Sounds to me like he wants out of this relationship even if she doesn't! He definately needs putting straight that you are just not interested him in as anything other than a friend. If he can't handle that then its tough on him basically. I know it's going to be hard if you  live quite close to each other but he needs telling.

(in reply to Maz_23)
Post #: 7
RE: Clingy Friend - 4/11/2009 10:28:54 AM   
Maz_23


Posts: 2362
Joined: 20/8/2007
Status: offline 		I think he wanted out a little while ago - he even said that he felt like he was falling in love with me a few months ago! But instead of just letting her go and doing the decent thing by not hurting her, it's like he's putting the feelers out to see if it's worth ending things with her and making sure he has someone new to move onto. In all other respects he's a nice enough guy but if I were in any way interested, he's not exactly showing me what a loyal caring boyfriend he can be!

(in reply to CSIYorkshire)
Post #: 8
RE: Clingy Friend - 4/11/2009 10:31:14 AM   
Maz_23


Posts: 2362
Joined: 20/8/2007
Status: offline 		Ha ha - just had an evil thought! I would never do this, but it would be quite hilarious to post on his wall that if he feels he's ready to move on after his split, I have a friend that I could set him up with! It would make it clear I wasn't interested but also show his poor innocent gf that he's making out he's single when he clearly isn't....mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

(in reply to Maz_23)
Post #: 9
RE: Clingy Friend - 4/11/2009 10:39:02 AM   
CSIYorkshire


Posts: 1424
Joined: 3/8/2009
Status: offline 		Just out of interest what does his status say?

(in reply to Maz_23)
Post #: 10
RE: Clingy Friend - 4/11/2009 10:58:13 AM   
scarlet1985


Posts: 162
Joined: 5/2/2009
Status: offline 		I don't think he's broken up with his gf, he's just looking to see if there's anything better out there. His girlfriend is probably completely oblivious and thinks that everything is fine. ugh, men disgust me sometimes!

In this situation you need to be cruel to be kind. tell him you're not interested in him at all, you won't get involved with someone who is clearly still in a relationship and yet lies about it, you'd like to be his friend but due to his feelings for you it just won't be possible, and cut off contact with him completely. I understand you like him as a friend but he's clearly getting the wrong impression and the only way to make it clear to him is to not speak to him at all.

(in reply to CSIYorkshire)
Post #: 11
RE: Clingy Friend - 4/11/2009 11:23:30 AM   
Maz_23


Posts: 2362
Joined: 20/8/2007
Status: offline 		His status is blank, doesn't say either way what his status is...

(in reply to CSIYorkshire)
Post #: 12
RE: Clingy Friend - 4/11/2009 11:26:45 AM   
Maz_23


Posts: 2362
Joined: 20/8/2007
Status: offline 		Oh definately, he's clearly not being as honest and open with her and he is with me! I would really miss his friendship but I will only continue to spend time with him if he knows that it really is nothing more than that. I am actually being taken out for dinner on Friday so perhaps I should mention that to him, might make it a bit clearer. I also want to bring up the fact of his gf as I think he's bring a rat and needs to speak to her properly about things - not for my benefit, but for his and more importantly, hers...

(in reply to scarlet1985)
Post #: 13
RE: Clingy Friend - 4/11/2009 2:05:17 PM   
Maz_23


Posts: 2362
Joined: 20/8/2007
Status: offline 		Well, I just sent him a message saying that I was confused by what happened last night and asked why he held my hand. I also stressed that I just want to be friends and nothing more. Also mentioned that he's saying he's single and behaving that way, yet it seems that he is indeed still with Vicky and I think it's unfair and I don't want to get involved.

He's just replied 'I only did that hun becasue I couldn't give you a hug. It meant nothing else, no alterior motive or anything. I'm not going to put you into any dodgy situation hun, I only want to be friends hun....x'.

How many times does he need to call me hun??!! I just replied that I don't usually hold hands with my friends and that is all I want us to be. He has now replied with a sh*tty one back, still no explanation about the ex, I notice....

'Jesus, I know are are only friends hun, I have said that I don't want anything else, as have you....there is nothing for you to get....you just think a little too much. So I held your hand, it doesn't really matter...I didn't think anything of it x'

He sounds quite defensive to me, and he's never said we are only friends, I def feel like he constantly suggests we could be more. I think I will suggest that we don't hang out for a while, can't be doing with more stupid boy games.

(in reply to Maz_23)
Post #: 14
RE: Clingy Friend - 4/11/2009 2:13:46 PM   
CSIYorkshire


Posts: 1424
Joined: 3/8/2009
Status: offline 		Sounds like he's getting a bit of guilty conscience there with all those "hun's" and especially over the whole just being friends bit. You did the right thing over not seeing him for a while.

(in reply to Maz_23)
Post #: 15
RE: Clingy Friend - 4/11/2009 2:23:27 PM   
Maz_23


Posts: 2362
Joined: 20/8/2007
Status: offline 		He sounds so guilty - frantically back-peddling all of a sudden lol. He still avoided all questions about his ex. Hopefully he agrees that not seeing each other for a bit is a good thing. Thanks for the advice - just goes to prove that (some) boys can't be trusted!


My suggestion doesn't seem to have done down well.....

< Message edited by Maz_23 -- 4/11/2009 2:25:54 PM >

(in reply to CSIYorkshire)
Post #: 16
RE: Clingy Friend - 4/11/2009 2:40:45 PM   
CSIYorkshire


Posts: 1424
Joined: 3/8/2009
Status: offline 		It's his loss Maz! Like I said guilty conscience esp if he is avoiding the girlfriend issue!!

(in reply to Maz_23)
Post #: 17
RE: Clingy Friend - 4/11/2009 4:45:26 PM   
SnooSnoo


Posts: 397
Joined: 3/6/2007
Status: offline 		I'd set him up, tell him you'll meet him somewhere and tell his girlfriend to come along and sit a few tables away and then get him to repeat all he's said before and wait until his girlfriend starts to scream at him and then stand up, say you're not interested and laugh in his face and walk away.

(in reply to CSIYorkshire)
Post #: 18
RE: Clingy Friend - 4/11/2009 4:56:12 PM   
Maz_23


Posts: 2362
Joined: 20/8/2007
Status: offline 		Like a honey trap lol. There has been a few messages going back and forth between us this afternoon - I told him we should keep some distance and that I don't like it when people play games and he seemed annoyed that I didn't want to see him and couldn't understand what games I was talking about. I told him about his gf's facebook and just suggested that he should be a bit more honest, not just with himself but with everyone and if he's not happy with his relationship then he should at least tell her about it and work on it if that's possible. I've not heard back from him since....

(in reply to SnooSnoo)
Post #: 19
RE: Clingy Friend - 5/11/2009 1:36:47 PM   
MontyYouTerribleCunt


Posts: 201
Joined: 9/7/2009
Status: offline 		He sounds like a creep and a coward. I'd be well shot of him personally. Sorry to hear about you and P sweetie. x

(in reply to Maz_23)
Post #: 20
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