Dappy - Tarzan Part 2

 

Just like Madonna (something we thought we’d never say about this particular N-Dubz star, but there you go), Dappy did have a proper video but pulled it because it caused a bit too much offence. What’s leftover is our star singing in a carpark and rapping into his phone. He makes digs at other celebrities by getting his mates to put on masks of Tinie Tempah, Simon Cowell, Kelly Rowland and Joe McElderry then getting them to do silly things. You have to wonder who’s got the last laugh when they’re the ones humping blow-up sex dolls, though.

Paul Morrell ft Mutya Buena - Give Me Love

 

We love ex-Sugababes Mutya Buena’s voice, but this video is pretty cheap. The video is basically a few people marching about in front of a green screen, and a fully made-up Mutya getting ready for a day at work then giggling with her boyfriend. That’s pretty much it.

Eiffel 65 - Blue

 

In the late 90's, there was a big trend for music videos set in space – Britney’s Ooops…I Did It Again, Backstreet Boys’ Larger Than Life, TLC’s No Scrubs are just some extra-terrestrial promos. But sadly it costs a lot of money for the CGI needed to create proper space-like scenery. So this video - telling the story of some blue aliens on a space mission to perform a gig with Eiffel 65 - looks cheaper than a packet of Frazzles. On the plus side, it’s subtitled just in case you forget the lyrics to the chorus.

Rebecca Black - Friday

 

In 2011, a very rich 13-year-old made herself famous by recording what is widely appreciated as the best/worst song and video EVER. Rebecca Black’s Friday was made for $2000 as a birthday present from her parents, and went viral after people found the entire thing far too funny. Our favourite bit is when she’s in the car wondering which seat to take.

Lady Gaga - American Life

 

In her defence, Madonna had to pull the original video for this song (directed by Lady Gaga favourite Jonas Akerlund) because its military themes offended people. But surely she had the money to make a better back-up than this? In this video, she whacks on some army garb then raps and sings and wags her finger about in front of a green screen which shows up a load of flags. That’s it.

Jedward - Young Love

 

These Irish boys don’t have to do much to have their passionate fans in raptures, but apart from the very pretty Jedward lip-syncing, this video is pretty dull. It’s basically the twins prancing about a theatre and pouting at the camera. The moneyshot comes at the end, where a big red curtain goes down the stage. We suppose, when you’re this cute, you don’t need special effects. But what do you think?

Joss Stone - Baby, Baby, Baby

 

Despite going through various legal wranglings with her record company, EMI, Joss Stone still wanted to put out the song Baby, Baby, Baby. And without the advice of the bigwigs, she self-produced one of the worst music videos ever. The promo features her kidnapping a man, attaching electrodes to his crotch and then parading him out to be shot by a team of squaddies. It’s all in good humour, though. We’re laughing, at least!

Shelter ft Alex Reid - Stardust

 

Adding another string to his bow, cagefighting, cross-dressing television ‘personality’ Alex Reid has decided it’d be a good idea to release a song, and here’s the video to go with it. It features dear Alex grinning creepily in a bar for a whole bunch of bizarrely happy clubbers. How they managed to get the extras for the video is beyond us. Pity these people who need the money so badly they’re willing to spend an afternoon doing this (and listening to Alex’s song over and over during the entire shoot). AND they all managed to do it with a straight face!

Axel F - Crazy Frog

 

As well as being the most annoying song in the world EVER, this stupidly catchy update of the Beverly Hills Cop theme was fronted by a hyperactive soundbitey frog that didn’t even look like a frog. In the video, he (and we KNOW the frog's a 'he', if you see what we mean) whooshes along in a dizzyingly high-speed car chase. We almost want the baddie to catch up with him so that the Crazy Frog can meet his fate sooner…